Words
as slippery as smooth grapes,
words exploding in the light
like dormant seeds waiting
in the vaults of vocabulary,
alive again, and giving life:
once again the heart distills them.
-Pablo Neruda, poet and diplomat (1904-1973)
Given as the thought of the day at A Word a Day. Will have to track down the source to see whether this is a fragment or a complete citation.
Sitting down with friends and family today, there will be thanks for the steady currents, flowing out of the past, that have brought us to this table. There will be thanks for the present union and reunion of us all. And there will be prayerful thanks for the future. But it’s worth raising a glass (or suspending a forkful for those of you who’ve gotten ahead of the toast) to be thankful for the unexpected, for all the ways that life interrupts and renews itself without warning.
What would our lives look like if they held only what we’d planned? Where would our wisdom or patience — or our hope — come from? How could we account for these new faces at the Thanksgiving table or for the faces we’re missing this holiday, missing perhaps now all these years?
It will never cease to surprise how the condition of being human means we cannot foretell with any accuracy what next Thanksgiving will bring. We can hope and imagine, and we can fear. But when next Thanksgiving rolls around, we’ll have to take account again, as we do today, of how the unexpected has shaped our lives. That will mean accounting for how it has enriched us, blessed us, with suffering as much as with joy.
That, perhaps, is what all this plenty is for, as you look down the table, to gather up the past and celebrate the present and open us to the future.
There is the short-term future, when there will be room for seconds. Then there is the longer term, a time for blossoming and ripening, for new friends, new family, new love, new hope. Most of what life contains comes to us unexpectedly after all. It is our job to welcome it and give it meaning. So let us toast what we cannot know and could not have guessed, and to the unexpected ways our lives will merge in Thanksgivings to come.
Nations have recently been led to borrow billions for war; no nation has ever borrowed largely for education. Probably, no nation is rich enough to pay for both war and civilization. We must make our choice; we cannot have both. -Abraham Flexner, educator (1866-1959)
Toastmasters International has been the most influential organization in my personal and professional development. Over the years I have been a member, I have become more confident, more action orientated, and better able to accomplish the goals I have established for myself. With that being said, there is one trap that Toastmasters has created and I wonder if you have fallen into it yourself.
What is the trap?
Imagine for a moment that you are in a presentation outside of a Toastmasters meeting. As you sit there listening to the speaker, what do you notice?
If that is all you picked up from the speaker, then you have fallen into the trap.
The trap is expecting every speaker to speak like a Toastmaster.
As a Toastmaster, you learn a system for speaking more effectively. The Toastmasters system makes you more confident, effective, and better prepared as a speaker. What the system also does is create a trap that makes you believe that every speaker has to speak like a Toastmaster.
The secret to being a respected speaker is not that you have eliminated filler words, but that you have changed the lives of the audience for the better.
If you have a desire to become a professional speaker, then know that the person that is writing the check is not deducting money for each um and uh. They are paying you to make a lasting impact on the lives of the audience. This can be done with or without the techniques taught by Toastmasters.
I was reminded of this fact when I was reading a public speaking advice blog. The writer of the blog was critiquing one of the most highly paid coaches and speakers in the world, Marshall Goldsmith. In his critique, he talked about the bad habits Marshall had and how it distracted from his effectiveness as a speaker.
Having read Marshall Goldsmith’s bestselling book, I was interested, so I watched the video the blog referenced:
Was laughing at his own jokes annoying?
Did he not follow all of the “rules” of public speaking?
Yes, but that video changed my life for the better. After the first few moments, it didn’t matter what habits he had. All that mattered is that I am far better off in life after watching the presentation. That is more than I can say from many technically perfect presentations I have seen.
Do we need to continue to improve our speaking habits?
Yes, but the most important part of the speech is the message. Focusing on the techniques can be a trap for many Toastmasters and loosening up a little on “the rules” could be good for us all.
About the Author: My Toastmasters Blog is written and edited by Chris Elliott, the founder of the young professional coaching site Young Profit Pros. Chris enjoys using his knowledge and experiences during his speaking engagements, workshops, consulting projects, and one-on-one coaching sessions. The result—connecting people and empowering change. If you would like information on how you can bring Chris to speak to your next meeting, please download Chris' one sheet or contact him by clicking here.The toughest part of writing a new book is choosing the epigraph—a dozen words penned by someone else that perfectly encapsulate what one has been up to for the prior five years. Well, I am entirely happy, even ecstatic, about the epigraph to The Little BIG Things*:
Courtesies of a small and trivial character are the ones which strike deepest in the grateful and appreciating heart.—Henry Clay
In fact, I'm now making what I call "The 'Eight Courtesies'" the centerpiece of my presentations. Below you'll find the List of Eight. Also, I have included a fully annotated version of The Eight Courtesies PowerPoint. (And a shorter version, from shorter presentations, The Five Courtesies PowerPoint.)
The "Eight Courtesies"
Stay in touch. (MBWA.) Invest in relationships. (Make friends. Obsess.) Listen. (Respect. Learn. Student. PROFESSIONAL. Sustainable Competitive Advantage #1) Ask. (Engage. Inspire. Consult. React.) Thank. (Appreciate. Acknowledge.) Network. ("Suck down." C(I)>C(E).) Apologize. (Unequivocal. Rectify. Over-react. Forgive.) Practice thoughtfulness. (Kindness is free. This is ... STRATEGIC.)
The "Five Courtesies"
Listen. (Respect. Learn. Student. PROFESSIONAL. Sustainable Competitive Advantage #1.) Ask. (Engage. Inspire. Consult. React.) Thank. (Appreciate. Acknowledge.) Apologize. (Unequivocal. Rectify. Over-react. Forgive.) Practice thoughtfulness. (Kindness is free. This is ... STRATEGIC.)
[*Tom's new book, The Little BIG Things: 163 Ways to Pursue Excellence, is to appear in early 2010.—CM]